MELLOWING
I was just thinking about it the other day and it occurred to me that what I seriously lack at work is ambition. This leads to a lack of motivation and just a complete lack of desire to be the best at whatever I do. This makes life very difficult because there's a constant struggle between being excellent and just being nua.
This was the catalyst behind my entire thought process about what I would loosely term as 'mellowing'. I remember that when I was younger I used to have so much ambition, so much drive and passion for the future and I do not even know what. Perhaps they were all lofty ideals. But at least there was something in me that represented that hope. It made me feisty, desirous to have my opinions advanced and somehow I thought I could take on the world come what may. Sometimes I may even have appeared brash and arrogant. I despised the ordinary. I hated being called nice because it was just so boring. Everything was about excitement and something better, something more, something extraordinary.
Somewhere along the way things changed. I think the greatest representation of that change is how now deep in my heart all I wanna be is nice and ordinary. I don't wanna stand out. I don't wanna pick a fight. I just want to be simple and plain. So strange. When people think I'm nice I actually feel happy. When people understand that actually I'm a person with very simple needs, I feel great peace. I think on some level that is all good. But on some other level, drive is what makes us wake up every morning happy and passionate, gearing up to start the day. Ambition is what propels us into the future and makes the present worth living. That I really need to re-appropriate. Otherwise my life will just descend into passive insipidity (if there is such a word) and obsolete oblivion.
Something a friend said the other day really struck a chord. He said something that to me meant this: It is those who do not want power who should be in power. Because they will not be corrupted by power. Unfortunately it is those who crave power that last to attain that power and that's why the world is so messed up today. It is also unfortunate that drive and ambition can really take u so far. You don't even need alot of talent or amazing abilities. Human resilience is really a powerful weapon. The corollary of that is u can be the most talented person in the world but if you lack the drive, it's not really gonna cut it.
So I feel quite strongly that the next phase of my life involves appropriating the benefits of mellowing i.e. being comfortable in my own skin, being contented with my station in life and yet simultaneously recapturing that desire to be more than who I am and who I can be. So that I can be a positive influence in my own little way.
This was the catalyst behind my entire thought process about what I would loosely term as 'mellowing'. I remember that when I was younger I used to have so much ambition, so much drive and passion for the future and I do not even know what. Perhaps they were all lofty ideals. But at least there was something in me that represented that hope. It made me feisty, desirous to have my opinions advanced and somehow I thought I could take on the world come what may. Sometimes I may even have appeared brash and arrogant. I despised the ordinary. I hated being called nice because it was just so boring. Everything was about excitement and something better, something more, something extraordinary.
Somewhere along the way things changed. I think the greatest representation of that change is how now deep in my heart all I wanna be is nice and ordinary. I don't wanna stand out. I don't wanna pick a fight. I just want to be simple and plain. So strange. When people think I'm nice I actually feel happy. When people understand that actually I'm a person with very simple needs, I feel great peace. I think on some level that is all good. But on some other level, drive is what makes us wake up every morning happy and passionate, gearing up to start the day. Ambition is what propels us into the future and makes the present worth living. That I really need to re-appropriate. Otherwise my life will just descend into passive insipidity (if there is such a word) and obsolete oblivion.
Something a friend said the other day really struck a chord. He said something that to me meant this: It is those who do not want power who should be in power. Because they will not be corrupted by power. Unfortunately it is those who crave power that last to attain that power and that's why the world is so messed up today. It is also unfortunate that drive and ambition can really take u so far. You don't even need alot of talent or amazing abilities. Human resilience is really a powerful weapon. The corollary of that is u can be the most talented person in the world but if you lack the drive, it's not really gonna cut it.
So I feel quite strongly that the next phase of my life involves appropriating the benefits of mellowing i.e. being comfortable in my own skin, being contented with my station in life and yet simultaneously recapturing that desire to be more than who I am and who I can be. So that I can be a positive influence in my own little way.
posted by staplerholepuncher at 8:36 PM
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