Of Eggs, Tangentially.

I remember when I was age 5 or 6, I would sing the Majulah Singapura every day at 3p.m. when the TV programmes would start. I would stand at attention in front of the TV and sing the anthem with utmost patriotism. Only at the last note would my muscles relax and I'd physically sink back on the couch. There were many times when I missed the Majulah because I overslept and nobody woke me up. I would get so mad at them for not remembering to wake me. I would sit in a corner and cry and cry and cry for hours and I would keep rubbing my legs against each other till they were both sore and red. In manner of trying to start a fire through friction. Eventually, my grandmother had to resort to taping the anthem for me. Whenever I missed it, they'd just play it. I might have known then that it was pre-recorded. I wonder why I didn't get mad at that.

I remember when I was age 12 or 13, there was once my dad was supposed to pick me from Bedok MRT station to come home. He was an hour late because he thought I was supposed to be at Tanah Merah MRT station instead or something like that. This was before the age of mobile technology. I dunno why I didn't just take the bus home myself after waiting for a reasonably long time. I think I didn't want my dad to worry or have to waste a trip or something strange like that. Anyway when he finally came to pick me I got so mad at him. I came home and started smashing things on the floor. I broke this glass figurine and one of the shattered bits cut my fingers. My parents didn't bother about me. They just thought I was crazy. So, I packed my bags and decided to run away from home. I brought my favourite snoopy bag. Took all the money I had which was about 12 or 13 dollars. And some other random items. And told them I was leaving. I walked from my house to the 7-11 nearby and bought myself a mr softee. Mixed flavour - vanilla and chocolate. Strangely, they didn't come to find me immediately. Actually come to think of it, I have very strange parents. Anyway, about one hour later, I was wandering around the neighbourhood and my maid came and took me home. I obediently came home and slept.

I remember when I was age 22, I was in the midst of exams in lawschool. I had just spent the entire day studying in the law library alone. The rest of my family went to my aunty's place for dinner. At about 10 p.m., I left school and walked to the bus-stop to wait for bus no. 10. The bus took really really long to come. Whilst waiting, I got increasingly angry. I was carrying a bag of books and notes. It was getting later and later. And I started thinking things like why won't my parents come and fetch me? Why do they not give me enough money to take a cab home? Why is it that my father always forbade me to take cabs? Why is my life so difficult? The bus finally came. But of course, NUS is rather far from my abode in changi and by the time I got home it was midnight. I was so furious and felt so much pent up stress internally, I went to the kitchen and decided to destroy some things. In my insanity, I was actually rather rational. I didn't wanna break plates because they were not cheap. So I decided to break eggs. I picked up some eggs and started throwing them. But to contain the damage, I threw them in the sink so that it's easier for someone else to clean it up. Unfortunately, the egg yolk decided to rebound and hit the ceiling. So the damage was not exactly contained. After destroying about 10 eggs, I decided I had enough and went to my bedroom to sleep. The next day my parents thought a burglar came to our house and broke 10 eggs and left. They were talking about it in the car till I silenced them by saying I did it. There was some talk about sending me to a psychiatrist but it never happened. I never broke eggs again.

I guess looking at me now, you would never have guessed I did all of the above. And those are only 3 instances. It's weird. I mean I look back now and laugh at myself. However, there are times when we act out of character. There are times when we are not in control of our own behaviour. There are times when we are just plain irrational. Sometimes, it's because we are young. Other times, it's just a moment of pure insanity. I remember Winona Ryder saying in Girl, Interrupted that people in mental institutions are merely mad amplified. We are all mad in our own way. Seriously, I do believe that we need something else to keep us in check. To ensure that the worse of our nature does not surface in the most trying of times. The conscience of one who always knows what's best in every situation. A divine touch that cushions our humanity.