Cetera the Hero

The Glory of Love (Peter Cetera)

Tonight it's very clear
As we're both lying here
There's so many things I want to say
I will always love you
I would never leave you alone

Sometimes I just forget
Say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying
I don't wanna lose you
I could never make it alone

I am a man who will fight for your honour
I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

You'll keep me standing tall
You'll help me through it all
I'm always strong when you're beside me
I have always needed you
I could never make it alone

I am a man who will fight for your honour
I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

Just like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away

I am the man who will fight for your honour
I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

I love this song because it talks about heroes, knights and castles. During a time when chivalry and honour was more prominent. During a time of adventure and passion, where romantic love can still exist. To me it's about a prince sweeping you off your feet. And not because you are a damsel in distress but because you are the princess behind that successful knight. And the background of the song actually sounds grandiose, sings of something greater than yourself. Together you did it all. For the glory of love.

So exciting right?

Of Eggs, Tangentially.

I remember when I was age 5 or 6, I would sing the Majulah Singapura every day at 3p.m. when the TV programmes would start. I would stand at attention in front of the TV and sing the anthem with utmost patriotism. Only at the last note would my muscles relax and I'd physically sink back on the couch. There were many times when I missed the Majulah because I overslept and nobody woke me up. I would get so mad at them for not remembering to wake me. I would sit in a corner and cry and cry and cry for hours and I would keep rubbing my legs against each other till they were both sore and red. In manner of trying to start a fire through friction. Eventually, my grandmother had to resort to taping the anthem for me. Whenever I missed it, they'd just play it. I might have known then that it was pre-recorded. I wonder why I didn't get mad at that.

I remember when I was age 12 or 13, there was once my dad was supposed to pick me from Bedok MRT station to come home. He was an hour late because he thought I was supposed to be at Tanah Merah MRT station instead or something like that. This was before the age of mobile technology. I dunno why I didn't just take the bus home myself after waiting for a reasonably long time. I think I didn't want my dad to worry or have to waste a trip or something strange like that. Anyway when he finally came to pick me I got so mad at him. I came home and started smashing things on the floor. I broke this glass figurine and one of the shattered bits cut my fingers. My parents didn't bother about me. They just thought I was crazy. So, I packed my bags and decided to run away from home. I brought my favourite snoopy bag. Took all the money I had which was about 12 or 13 dollars. And some other random items. And told them I was leaving. I walked from my house to the 7-11 nearby and bought myself a mr softee. Mixed flavour - vanilla and chocolate. Strangely, they didn't come to find me immediately. Actually come to think of it, I have very strange parents. Anyway, about one hour later, I was wandering around the neighbourhood and my maid came and took me home. I obediently came home and slept.

I remember when I was age 22, I was in the midst of exams in lawschool. I had just spent the entire day studying in the law library alone. The rest of my family went to my aunty's place for dinner. At about 10 p.m., I left school and walked to the bus-stop to wait for bus no. 10. The bus took really really long to come. Whilst waiting, I got increasingly angry. I was carrying a bag of books and notes. It was getting later and later. And I started thinking things like why won't my parents come and fetch me? Why do they not give me enough money to take a cab home? Why is it that my father always forbade me to take cabs? Why is my life so difficult? The bus finally came. But of course, NUS is rather far from my abode in changi and by the time I got home it was midnight. I was so furious and felt so much pent up stress internally, I went to the kitchen and decided to destroy some things. In my insanity, I was actually rather rational. I didn't wanna break plates because they were not cheap. So I decided to break eggs. I picked up some eggs and started throwing them. But to contain the damage, I threw them in the sink so that it's easier for someone else to clean it up. Unfortunately, the egg yolk decided to rebound and hit the ceiling. So the damage was not exactly contained. After destroying about 10 eggs, I decided I had enough and went to my bedroom to sleep. The next day my parents thought a burglar came to our house and broke 10 eggs and left. They were talking about it in the car till I silenced them by saying I did it. There was some talk about sending me to a psychiatrist but it never happened. I never broke eggs again.

I guess looking at me now, you would never have guessed I did all of the above. And those are only 3 instances. It's weird. I mean I look back now and laugh at myself. However, there are times when we act out of character. There are times when we are not in control of our own behaviour. There are times when we are just plain irrational. Sometimes, it's because we are young. Other times, it's just a moment of pure insanity. I remember Winona Ryder saying in Girl, Interrupted that people in mental institutions are merely mad amplified. We are all mad in our own way. Seriously, I do believe that we need something else to keep us in check. To ensure that the worse of our nature does not surface in the most trying of times. The conscience of one who always knows what's best in every situation. A divine touch that cushions our humanity.

I have a confession to make part deux

Ok, this is really quite ultimately embarrassing. And I really dunno wassup with me? Am I like in denial that I am like, 26 years old?

You see, about 3 months ago (I think), in the thick of the Singapore Idol Frenzy ("SIF"), I emailed Jonathan Leong.

Then, about 2 months ago, in the super thick of the SIF, he actually replied. But it was a mass mail to all his 'fans'. The day before the finals I think. The recipients of the mass mail were undisclosed. The gist of the email was thank you for supporting me and please vote for me at the finals. [Thankfully I only voted once because my boss told me early in the day that Hady's votes were double his and I figured I couldn't singlehandedly help him win so I gave up.]

Then about 1 month ago, after the SIF, I randomly emailed him again. About a book I was reading, Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children.

Today, 2 months after the SIF, I received another mass email from him regarding his concert (together with alot of other people) at the indoor stadium. This time the recipients list was disclosed. There were probably about 25 people on the list, of which I was one of the 25. Presumably, these 25 people emailed him in the course of the 2 months after the SIF and he was responding to all of them, I mean, us.

And when I saw his email, I totally freaked out because....

(i) I am in this list of 25 people which is probably made up of 12 year old girls who have just completed their PSLE 2 weeks ago.

(ii) Need I say more?

Ok, so I seriously reflected on my behaviour. I mean, I repeat, I really dunno wassup with me? Am I like in denial that I am like, 26 years old? I came up with some possible reasons for my somewhat inexplicable behaviour.

(i) I missed out on all this when I was a teenager. Save for the scarf that I knitted for Vanness at age 22, one of the members of the now defunct F4. The scarf is still somewhere in my room. It was my first (and last) attempt at knitting. Quite pleased with my efforts.

(ii) I am incapable of forming decent friendships/relationships with males that I know. Which is why I have to resort to emailing a Singapore Idol contestant I do not know.

(iii) I never had an imaginary friend when I was young so I have to make up for lost time by making a 'virtual' friend.

(iv) I really really want to be his friend.

Ok, none of the above makes any sense to me yeah? I'm still as bewildered as ever. And yes quite embarrassed by myself. So I'm sharing my embarrassment with you so that if it's spread out amongst more people, it will be spread thinner and therefore I will be less embarrassed.

And will I email him again? I don't know man. Maybe a month later, 4 months after the SIF. Which would bring us to 'I have a confession to make part trois'. Pretty soon, those who do not know how to count in french will soon learn. What an educational, informative blog I have. Pleased.

B-U-R-S-T

Do you know why lawyers are paid what they are paid?

Because they are supposed to have the extra-ordinary ability not to burst (implode or explode). Be it in times of great pressure, stress, expectations and/or deadlines (as opposed to datelines).

Hence, the monetary compensation is supposed to make up for the following: -
(i) lack of sleep
(ii) bad skin (as a consequence of (i))
(iii) lack of social life cos always have to cancel appointments last minute so u end up not making any
(iv) highly irritable nature which exacerbates (iii) i suppose
(v) highly dominant nature because u have to make decisions all the time and very fast which makes u very unladylike and therefore unmarry-able

How does money make up for it? (in corresponding order)
(i) can buy a better, more comfortable bed, with one of those ergonometrically designed pillows
(ii) expensive skincare products
(iii) er...
(iv) er...
(v) er...

I guess that explains the high attrition rate in the legal profession.

At the end of the day, it's really not about the money. So many intangibles that money cannot buy. Character. Beauty. Quality of life. Not to mention youth and time?

I keep at it because I believe in a higher calling, a greater destiny. That there is a divine plan for my life which belongs in the legal fraternity.

Somedays when I really want to burst, my only anti-burst cream is a promise given to me by the Creator of the heavens and the earth.

Why I love the Sunflower..

I love sunflowers!

Because they are big, bright and happy!

They are BEAUTIFUL, INVIGORATING and GENEROUS!

They are also BECKONING, RICH, INSPIRING, GREGARIOUS, HONEST and TANTALIZING!

And finally, they are HONOURABLE, ARRESTING, PRETTY, PRECIOUS and YOUNG!

Yes, I just learned how to upload photos and the first photo to appear on my blog must be that of a sunflower!

I remember there was once I was very depressed in the office and I bought this postcard with a field full of sunflowers with my all time favourite verse on it to cheer myself up. It helped.

[The first flower I've ever received from a guy was a lily. Teh. Wrong number. Maybe my fault. I may have been labouring under the delusion that I liked lilies then and represented as such to the world at large.]

I would like many human sunflowers in my life. People who brighten my day and encourage me to go on. It's very tragic to have mainly weeds. Always sad and grumpy.

I would also like to be a sunflower to many people. Not like the haze is not gloomy enough. Not like the prospect of a not too grand bonus isn't demoralising enough. Not like there aren't enough heartaches, pains and disappointments in everyone's life. Why be another cactus?